Monday, August 17, 2009

Hi, I'm a person too.

I have another video for you. Let me set the stage:

I needed to get more vitamins so I went to my local vitamin shop. When my aide and I arrived, we tried to find what we were looking for on our own, but when we couldn't, we waited at the register. The owner was helping another customer, which was fine. But he made eye-contact with my aide (just to acknowledge that he would be with her in a moment). But he didn't look at me or say anything to me. I mean NOTHING for a good 10 minutes. When he was done with the other person he approached my aide to help her (again, not me).  He then led my aide to the section that had what I needed. My aide was clear to say "SHE is looking for..." and "can you help US find..." but no response from him. When I paid...

As you can see, the only acknowledgement I got was a Big Special Wave right as I turned to leave.  Like I said in my previous post...for god sake, treat adults like adults.

Hopefully my next video will show a different aspect of people being insensitive. These are the kinds of things I get most commonly (seriously like everyday), and I know seeing the same thing over and over will get old.  But I'm taping everyday and if I get nothing, then I will just tell you another story about one of my past encounters.


  1. All I see is: "This is a private video. If you have been sent this video, please make sure you accept the sender's friend request."

  2. thedealwithdisabilityAugust 17, 2009 at 6:56 AM

    Oh! Sorry about that. It has been fixed.

  3. Eve, that is so disgusting how that man treated you. How do we educate people to treat the disabled like anyone else?

  4. I love this blog. OMG. Yay. I mean, not yay that people do this but yay that you're posting.

  5. Laughing at them and snarking works...

  6. Eva,
    I love getting a glimpse into your life. I just wanted to let you know, though, that the fuzzing of faces isn't working that well. There are definitely moments where you can see the people's faces very clearly. For their safety and privacy, that is probably something that you should fix.

  7. thedealwithdisabilityAugust 18, 2009 at 6:06 AM

    Thanks! Yes, I know I kind of suck at blurring faces (I am very new at it)but legally I am in the clear, as I am not making any money off of anyone's image. Obviously, I still want to protect people, and hopefully I will get better at blurring as I continue this blog!

  8. Ah, the big special wave...
    This is a good one; I remember that happening many times when I worked for you.
    Awesome project!
    Could turn into a great documentary...

  9. Hey I remember that vitamin store! You've been going there a damn long time, will he ever notice that you're not a child, as it's been like 10 years and you're not getting any bigger??? People people.. One thing is for sure they will keep the stories coming...

  10. Thanks so much for doing this, documenting it, posting it. I really appreciate that you're clear about not wanting to make fun of people but that you're not about to NOT call people on their ridiculous shit.

    The particular wave that guy gave you tells us how much meaning there is (even tho. it's probably pretty unconscious for most people) in the smallest of gestures. The big wave with the "dancing fingers" is like him saying "you probably can't actually see what I'm doing, so I'll make a real big gesture and maybe you'll get it."

    by the way, I second the idea that this could make a great documentary one day. keep collecting!

  11. Oh no, the Big Special Wave! I've seen that one a few times.

    I just happened upon your blog, and I really enjoyed it. I think you're getting a lot of great footage, and hopefully it'll help people figure out how NOT to act like a jackass around people with disabilities. I've always found it sort of astonishing how condescending and patronizing people can be, even when they mean well. Please keep the stories coming!

  12. I think this blog is going to be one of my favorites. Thanks for doing this.

    I have a question - at the end of this video, I see you smiling and laughing - are you laughing at the big special wave, or am I misreading it?

  13. Another thumbs up. Uncomfortable to watch, because who knows if I've been the one to be a jackass.

    Keep it up, though. Awareness is the first step toward change.

  14. I don't want to piss you off, in fact I think this is an interesting concept documenting your day to day, the same thing happens to abled people all the time though.
    If you aren't able to express what you want how are the shop owners and teenage girls of the world suppose to know what you want?

    If I go into a vitamin shop and wonder around, typically I'm ignored too. Until I call over the shop keeper and ask them about what I'm looking for.

    This of course is only one instance, but you can't get too infurated with people if they simply don't know HOW to communicate with you.

    Instead of getting angry upset and frusrated, perhaps you can prove details on HOW to ask you questions in a way you can answer.
    I read in your inteview with "Lesbilicious":
    "Please ask me.’ Even if I can’t speak, I can nod or shake my head. You’d be surprise how far yes or no can take you."

    It's subtleties like THIS that make me and ignorant @s$hole. I wouldn't know to ask yes or no questions.

    Spreading awarness, not hate, is the key to you being treated as you'd like to be treated.

    I read your articles and say to myself "If she wants to be treated like an adult, she should start acting like one."
    Adults don't cry and bitch about teenagers being teenagers (in not noticing you, they notice nothing beyond they're own personal bubble if you hadn't noticed.) Adults solve problems the best they can. Getting the vitamins you need, take the old bottle with you. etc.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk, just letting you know that not everybody is quick to know HOW to communicate with you.
    Not everyone is going to notice you. People are often to wrapped up in themselves and their own world to look beyond their own noses.

    Thanks for your time Eva.

    Keep spreading awareness.


  15. Awesome blog. I love to learn more about people. I am always interested in how to treat other people. Thanks for starting this.

    On a side note, in the vitamin guy's defense, your aid is pretty hot so it was probably hard not to talk to her.

  16. My sister (who is sometimes in a wheelchair) referred me to this site. I LOVE IT. Thank you so much for doing it!

  17. Hi Eva, I found a link to you from the F-word blog. I think you're fantastic and I've learnt more about ettiquette in the last 5 minutes of reading your posts than I've ever been taught in my previous 23 years.

    I read Skallagrigg by William Horwood last year and found it really informative, if a little heavy going. (I'm guessing you know about it but sorry for the presumption if you don't).

    Anyway, I'm looking forward to following you :)

  18. That's hilarious that you call it the Big Special Wave! I just discovered this blog today and I love it. I never knew before how to react toward people with disabilities. If I smile at them, is that patronizing? Should I not look at them because they are probably always stared at? I try to act toward people with disabilities in the same way that I act toward everyone, but I end up second-guessing myself so much. Your blog has already helped me know so much more about eddiquette towards disabled people. It is also awesome that you take everything in stride and laugh it off.

    Keep up the good work!