Wednesday, March 31, 2010

"Let's go talk to patio furniture"

So before I tell you this story let me be clear- I have had lots of aides who didn't work out for whatever reason- our personalities didn't mesh, they were not reliable, they couldn't physically transfer me, etc. This is all fine and I don't take offense when people don't work out. This particular time, the aide had been working out great for six months until she began to do rather odd stuff. I make random noises and they don't mean anything. Wanda thought she understood what I was "saying". We used to have whole "conversations" where I would not have a clue what we were talking about because Wanda would just reply to my noises. Like "Eva, I don't agree..." So that was fun.

One day Wanda refused to assist me in the bathroom and gave no explanation why. I was in class (college) so it was not like I had my mom there and none of my friends knew how to transfer me (why would they?). So there I was at lunch, needing to pee but my aide refusing. So I had to ask one of my friends. My aide wouldn't even help explain how to transfer me or do anything else. I had to eyespell how to do everything to my poor friend. Here is a demo of how eyespelling works:


So THAT was fun. But we managed to do it.


Another lovely Wanda story was the time she made me skip class so she could go talk to patio furniture. Let me explain: Wanda could talk to furniture and furniture would talk back. I didn't want to go with her but my "noises" told otherwise. So when my school called my parents saying "Eva was not in class today" that was fun to explain. Unfortunately it was April and school was out in June so it would have been really hard to hire a new person without my life/classes getting messed up. Nice person but did not work out as an aide. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this Wanda story.

15 comments:

  1. So what did Wanda claim the patio furniture would say?

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  2. Did you remind her to take her meds?

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  3. I want to know every possible Wanda story and am shocked I had not heard of her. ...... So ridiculous

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  4. What a nightmare. Did she ever give her reasoning for not helping you go to the bathroom? I wouldn't be as good natured as you are about that!

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  5. You have such a lovely smile!

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  6. What? I can't imagine why she'd refuse to help you in the bathroom. That's just awful. I'm so sorry.

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  7. Wow. Having an aide with uncontrolled delusions sounds really scary.

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  8. Um, I would have fired her on the spot for the bathroom thing. I know it's hard to find people on short notice, especially when you have to get to school, but an aide like that is positively dangerous. Not trying to question your judgment, just telling you what I'd do.

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  9. Wow. It's great you can laugh about this experience! Although, what else can you do when someone you are with is arguing with patio furniture? Craigslist is so hit or miss, haha!

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  10. You have "the patience of a saint,"
    but a lot of them end up dead before their time!

    Reading this, I thought there would be an O.Henry ending, see, she refused because...
    ... (fill in one or more wise and funny reason)

    But life is stranger than fiction, and that is enough cliches for one Comment!

    Love the eye-spelling.

    -Lorraine

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  11. I found this really condescending.
    How ironic... That you would stereotype/tell a story in such a way to stereotype those with mental illnesses.
    Yes, clearly the aid wouldn't have/ didn't work out... But no need to be mocking about it.

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  12. That aid just plain sucks

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  13. What an odd woman she seems to have been. I'd love to know what the furniture said to her, though.

    Also Eva - you're fucking beautiful, you know that? If I lived closer to you I'd definitely be asking you for a date. ;o)

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  14. You remind me of Hillary Swank (when she had short hair).

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  15. This is fabulous and extensive collection of Sun umbrella cushions with some of the most colourful and unique fabrics..i love this patio furniture .

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